Falling Forward

Soooo I have been in the great state of Tennessee now for just over 180 days and now between here and Gainesville  I have proved to myself that I  can survive anywhere. I always knew that I could it was just a matter of crawling up out of the grasp of the safety net. Some people don’t. They build a life right where whatever higher power they believe in put them. And I get jealous of this from time to time. Because  I have it somewhere in my mind that I would have this life with my house in Lake Helen, a bunch of kids to fill it and woman to wake up next to every morning.  I wanted to be the father that George Fredrick wasn’t, Rufus couldn’t be and that I make believe Gus is.  I wanted Sunday suppers in the carport with my kids and their cousins running through yard and bugging us for dollar bills to take to 66 to buy penny candy. Then I realize I wanted my past. And you can’t live in the past. Because I’ve got a sister that will never talk to me again let alone have Sunday supper. And the rest of the cousins that I grew up with are scattered like leaves in the wind and the house that you dreamed in has been sold  so that a new group of people can make dreams of their own. So you have to fall forward and make the best of what you are doing with what you have. Because the past only works in the movies.